I was at my friend’s house playing on the laptop
when I saw a spark. I wasn’t worried, but my friend Ruby said, that if the
weather gets to 50 degrees Celsius like it is outside the laptop will blow. As Ruby
was saying that, the laptop started to get very hot. Then I said, but it was
far too hot to play on the laptop. All of a sudden, Ruby yelled out, “Get out
of the house or else you will die.” I had to watch the explosion from inside
the house.
Ruby warned me but I didn’t listen, I died, never
to live again.
Dear Maggie
ReplyDeleteThis is a great response to this week's prompt. You have used a good variety of sentence starters such as "As Ruby was . ." and "All of a sudden . . .". There is certainly a moral to your story - don't be so curious.
The only thing you need to look at carefully is the tense that you write in, so that it is consistent.
Keep up the good writing.
Hi there, Maggie,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great response to this week's challenge. I like the way that you built up the tension, the first girl ignoring Ruby's advice and carrying on.
As a reader I had a sense of impending doom, but the line 'I had to watch the explosion form the inside of the house.' was very chilling.
I like the way that we only fully understand as we reach the very end of your 100 words too!
Well done, keep up the good work :)
Mrs Radd (Team100WC) Northamptonshire, England.
I hope my comment made it through!
ReplyDeleteMrs Radd :)