Thursday 12 June 2014
100 Word Challenge. Prompt #36. Oscar
I hop in my Big Mac truck and onto the road. It's an 687km drive to Murray Bridge to pick up the 60 feet chocolate creme egg in Melbourne, where it's waiting.
When I get there the huge chocolate egg was ready for me to pick up.
As I come out of town I see a huge tree down on the road, I check my speed I'm going 130km. I put the brakes on, but it's not working. The front of the truck smashes and the egg goes flying. I wake up. Workers and police are surrounding the giant egg.
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Hi Oscar,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your 100 Word Challenge story. It was very different reading a story written in the present tense, as if it's currently happening - what made you decide to write like that?
Well done for using some complex sentences (like 'when I get there, the huge chocolate egg...') - these are very tough to write correctly (as it can sometimes be tough to add parts onto a sentence) but you wrote them brilliantly.
Next time, can you re-read your work to check it all makes sense? There is a sentence in the third paragraph where I think either a connective or some punctuation would have joined the sentences together. Which sentence do you think I mean?
Keep up the good work!
Mr Hyde
Team 100WC
Willoughby, Lincolnshire, England
Congratulations for being showcased last week - great writing!
ReplyDeleteHave a look at some of our entries..
http://kidblog.org/Mrs_Illume/tag/100wc-entry/
Mrs Tucker (100WC Team) Wirral, U.K.