100
WORD CHALLENGE
I woke up to hear my Mum cooking something in the
kitchen. I went downstairs to see bacon and eggs in the frying pan. Once I
finished eating, I went to my cupboard in my room because I needed to get changed
to go out shopping with Mum. When I opened the door of my cupboard I started
screaming at the sight of a machete with dried up blood all over the blade. I
ran down to Mum and told her what I saw!
Mum told me that my Dad was a murderer when I was
a little kid that’s why he’s in jail right now! Eeeek!
THE
END
Hello Jack,
ReplyDeleteThat certainly would be an unusual item to find in your bedroom cupboard. I wonder how it got there and why you never noticed it until now. No wonder you began screaming when you opened the cupboard doors.
The contrast between the normalcy of your morning and the unexpected discovery in your bedroom is an interesting one. Using such different concepts and bringing them together in your piece gives the reader more to think about as they read.
My suggestion for making your writing even better is to pump up the level of your verbs. Try replacing 'see', 'saw', and 'ran' with different synonyms that will increase the strength and power of your writing.
Your twist at the end is an unusual one.
Thank you for sharing your story,
Gina Felton (Team 100, Iowa USA)